I'll tell you a little about myself before I tell you my story. I'm 18 and I am a senior this year in a really little town that only has about 600 people in it. I plan on going to college and majoring in Nursing. After I was sick I decided I didn't want anything to do with hospitals, but it is different if you are on the other side and you aren't the sick one. So I think I'll be able to handle it.

Anyway-the week before I was taken to the hospital I had the flu. At first everything seemed normal, just regular stuff that goes with the flu. But later in the week my chest started hurting. It hurt so bad on my left side that I couldn't even lay on that side. Pretty soon my right side started hurting too, so we called the doctor. My doctor told my mom not to worry because supposedly this flu going around made your chest hurt. If only I would have gone to the doctor instead of calling. Pretty soon I couldn't even move. If I had to get up for anything, I was carried by either my boyfriend or my step dad. This part is really fuzzy for me, I only know what I have been told by others. My mom finally said that if I wasn't better by Monday morning, she was going to take me to the doctor. When I woke up Monday morning, February 15, 1 was starting to turn blue. My hands and my feet and my mouth were all blue. I guess this is when my mom really realized that something was seriously wrong with me. I was taken to the Emergency room that morning, and they took an x-ray of my chest. The x-ray showed that my left lung was completely full of infection and that my right lung was over 3/4 full. This scared my little hospital to death. The doctor immediately called Clarkson, a hospital in Omaha, Nebraska, and I was taken there by ambulance. My last memories were in the ambulance, until sometime in March.

I was put on a respirator and had chest tubes put in. I had to have a trach and had two blood transfusions. My doctors said that it took too much out of me to just move a finger, so I was sedated for two weeks. During this time, they knew that I had pneumonia, but they didn't know that I had ARDS yet. I kept getting worse. Finally the doctors told my parents that I might not make it. Then a blood clot hit my lungs to make things worse. Then I was diagnosed with having ards. I don't really remember waking up at all. But I do remember the dreams I had. They were so real it still scares me at night. I guess that is why I don't sleep all that well. Whenever I close my eyes at night I picture all of my dreams, and it scares me. In my dreams I knew that I was dying, just laying there with all this crap around me, dying.

I can picture everything so perfectly, like it was real, not a dream. But I know they were dreams, cause I was sedated. Anyway, I spent six weeks in CCU. I had physical therapy which I hated. I couldn't believe how weak I was. I couldn't even move when they first started. But I worked my way back, and now I'm almost normal again. Granted, I couldn't run if I tried, but at least now I can walk and I can go to school again. My little town was amazing while I was in the hospital. My classmates got together and decided they were going to have a prayer session for me at school, and every single kid in my school attended it plus all of the teachers. I got millions of cards from people all over, and I think every church was praying for me. I still cry whenever I think about what everybody did for me.

It is weird though, cause before I really didn't care if I was alive or not. I kind of had this depression problem. I didn't think that anybody cared. Now I see how stupid I was for thinking that. I still get really depressed though. I work my butt off though. Just cause I get down on myself doesn't mean that I don't work hard to get my strength back. It is just more emotionally hard than it is physically. This whole thing has changed me and my outlook on things so much. Before I got sick I used to spend hours in my room all by myself. Now the only reason I go up to my room is to sleep, and I really don't sleep that much. This whole thing has made me a nervous wreck, and I don't understand why. That is another hard part, not being able to understand why I feel all of these things. My body is better, so why can't my brain get better and let me put it in the past? But I have been home now for over a month. I attended my senior prom(April 25) when the doctors told my parents I might not even be able to be at my graduation(May 23). I am off of my oxygen, and I don't have to go back to my doctor for six months! I was pretty excited when I heard that. So is it normal to feel this stuff or now does everybody think I am crazy?? I better go though, I have tons of make up work for school left to do and it has to be done before graduation which is coming up fast. Please write me back again, and thank you for writing me the first time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.